Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize