I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
