i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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