i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
