I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize