hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize