My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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