Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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