I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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