fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
