used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
