i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
