is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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