how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
