I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
