tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
