At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
