Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He did a backflip because drugs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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