I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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