if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
