whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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