Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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