I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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