Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
