i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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