two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
