Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
