no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
