ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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