I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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