When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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