I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
