We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize