All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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