Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
