i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
