he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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