i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
