You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
