I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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