Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
