My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
