please come you make the beer taste better
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
