Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
