Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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