if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Found the puke drawer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
