Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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