Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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