this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
