Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
