she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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