I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
