and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
