No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
