i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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