I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
