my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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