no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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