one two three fourrrrnication!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
