i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize