Small penises have feelings too.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
