It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
